Pity Party

Yup, I have been riding this train for a couple of weeks. It started out with a simple runny nose on Capri that wouldn't quit. Then, she shared with me and I was MiserablE for 3 days. I thought I was getting better and went to the gym. Sometimes that help to get things all worked out. Nope. I was sore and still slightly sick. Capri never got past a runny nose. Rome had a runny nose for 1/2 a day. Josh missed out. I was sick for 2 weeks (still thinking I must be getting better) when it turned into a major sinus infection. I woke up with horrible upper tooth pain and pounding headache. So bad that in the middle of the night, half asleep, I thought I must have eaten too much Easter candy and my teeth were rotting out of my head. Ridiculous, because I saw the dentist two weeks ago, but that is was you get when you are mostly asleep. Sinus infections usually take me out of commission for at least a week. I feel lucky that I had enough energy to 1. cancel preschool that I was supposed to teach 2. go to my doctor with both kids in tow 3. take Rome to his second dentist appointment and first teeth cleaning 4. go to the grocery store pharmacy with both kids and 5. somehow feed my family while I cannot eat and can barely open my mouth for the pain. This was Tuesday. Wednesday I felt much worse. No decongestant for the pregnant lady. Only Tylenol for the pain. Somehow kids still think they are hungry and I should play with them. Josh is home and has a ton of things to do outside for our new "farm" and thinks I should come help. I dress in my grubby clothes and help him outside. Then, we head out to do some errands with the kids, like pick up new trees and extra strawberry plants. We end up going out to eat at Golden Corral. I look *awesome.* At least my kids are dressed and look normal. I am grateful for the buffet of soft mushy food though. I am so hungry and still can't chew. We get home and plant the new things and I shower with the kids to save my back from leaning over a bathtub. I am really hoping for a good nights sleep to feel better and finally on the mend. Nope. Rome wakes me up crying at midnight. He is standing in the hall covered in vomit. Yuck. Apparently we have the flu too. I get him cleaned up and Capri who sleeps at the end of his bed, new sheets and blankets and back to sleep. I stay up for the next two hours scrubbing who knows what out of sheets and clothes. Fun. I finally get to sleep. Thursday is pretty boring. Thankfully. I cancel preschool again and get someone to cover my part in the RS program that night. Rome lazes and sleep all day and does not puke again. I feel slightly better by the end of the day and even get some sewing done. Oh thank goodness! Friday we plant 200 lbs. of potatoes, onions, spinach and peas. I don't think the latter will do well, but I have to try. Saturday we go out to a Kids Day at the park and it is freezing so we don't stay long. They have free hot dogs that the kids don't eat, which is okay because Capri throws up the one bite she took about an hour later. Oh joy. We spend the rest of the day eating saltines and watching movies. No church for us this week. I hope she is better today because I really don't want to see the cheetos she found to eat for breakfast come up again. I was sleeping and had left them on the counter. Oops. Rome at least got himself a bowl of cereal with milk even. My big almost 4 year old!

Now in the middle of all of this fun-ness, my e-mail was hacked, my credit card was stolen and we had to put our dog, Zeus, down. Yea, because we needed more to deal with. Josh is still pretty sad about Zeus and the kids keep asking about him. We told them he had to go away, that he was sleeping outside and Rome even helped to bury him and plant a tree over him. They have short memories and still ask.

And here is the kicker. The one that really has me feeling sorry for myself. I got fat. Yes, I am pregnant and it comes with the territory. I get it. I try not to care, but when you go from 164 to 180 in a day...then 174 to 190. In. One. Day. That is not cool. What in the heck did I do? Sometimes it goes back down, but really it just makes me feel fat. F.A.T. I look at myself and try to see where it is going. My belly is actually measuring small. I don't think I look almost 200 lbs. But the more I think about it, and I still have four months to go, the more it makes me want to cry. I don't want to be 200 lbs! I don't want to gain 30 more! I don't want to look like a whale yet! I don't like feeling fat! My maternity clothes hardly even fit. It is just not fair.

The Ensign this month has been amazing. There is more than one article on the Atonement and Grace. Also, some wonderful pictures that I will be tearing out for my binder. Anyway, they really opened my eyes to what I was missing. I have all of this to deal with, but He can help. He can feel my pain, my exhaustion, my heartache. I just have to ask. I don't think I have ever had to ask for this kind of help before. I don't have to do it all. He must think I am pretty strong to be able to handle all of this at once. It makes me think what should I be learning from all this? Maybe I should stop feeling sorry for myself. And maybe I should hide my scale for a while. I think so.