Okay I have about 10 minutes to write and I don't quite know what to say.
First Baby Rome Joshua was born May 13th at 2:06 pm. He was 8lbs 4.5 ounces and 20 inches long. It was a very long a difficult labor that stalled 4 times and ended up needing all kinds of drugs to help. (There is much more I could say, but I will leave it there for this blog's sake) By the time he showed up I was just happy to be done. I love my little guy, but am surprised at my lack of happy, excited, joyful, exuberant feelings that I thought I would have. I am surprised at my total lack of feeling. I want to feel something.
Josh is great. He was really surprised that he would like being a dad. I knew it. He is really helpful and holds Rome whenever I need him to. He gets frustrated with the baby and hides it well. I don't see it, but I am a little slow lately.
I mostly feel detached and am waiting to come back down to myself and my life. I am waiting to feel that joy and attachment to my little boy that I think I am supposed to feel. Maybe it just comes slower for me, like a lot of other things in this whole process. I always knew I wanted to be a mom and I was soo excited to get there. I am just not sure how I feel yet about BEING a mom.
Josh and me looking at Rome, My big baby
His pretty blue eyes (I know you can't tell), My Mother's day present from Josh
I asked for flowers so he got me one that would not die (plus he dislikes flowers). I thought it was very sweet along with the note he wrote for me.
3 months ago