Saturday, November 22, 2008

Dear Mother

I wanted to take Jaley's challenge and post something that I am thankful for everyday. I was kind of glad I read her blog because I feel like I have been complaining on my blog a lot just to have something to post. Yes, I am a complainer. I know it. I am also very sarcastic. I try to work on those. Well, I also came across this blog that is compiling Dear Mother Letters for his wife for Christmas. I LOVED it! So, I decided to combine them. If you want a good cry check out this site and maybe send one of your own.

Dear Mother,

I love you so much. I always have. I have not always liked you however. There was a time that I was very angry at you. I did not understand why you did things. I did not like what I had to do. I was so hurt that I didn't have a choice. But, that is what you get. You don't get to choose your parents, or your children. I had to learn to like what you did. I had to look at my experiences through your eyes. I see now that what I had to do, made me who I am . I needed those experiences to be what I am now. I learned to listen and follow directions. I learned to be a leader and take control of a situation. I learned how to make things fun even when I did not think they were fun. I learned to control my temper so that I could teach others how to. I learned how to do things for myself. I learned to not be afraid even when everything tells me that it is scary. I learned to trust whole-heartedly in a man who is a little crazy, because you do. I learn that no matter how messed up a thing can be somehow it works out. I learned that no matter how many leftovers you see go into dinner, you must taste it before you decide it is disgusting. It turns out delicious every time. I learned to experiment with things just to see if I can make them work. I learned that hard work is very important. I learned that you can get anything you want if you work hard enough, have a plan and go in the right direction. I had to learn how to be friends with you. We are very different people. Sometimes I don't think you understand me very well, but that is okay. I understand you and love you anyway.

I always wanted to be a mother. I wanted to do it differently. I wanted to be there and do things for my children. I wanted to show them that I could do it better. I told my friends that I wanted to mess them up my way because I was messed up. Ha! That is pretty funny now. I never knew how hard it would be. I never realized how much heartache and worry would come with it. I am so glad you are here to help me. I rely on your expertise and advice. You did raise 6 children after all. I thought I worked hard before. I work hard now. I thought I had forgiven you before, but I understand now. My son is only 6 months old. Yet, I know what a sleepless night is like. I know how your heart hurts when you don't know why they are crying. I know how isolated you feel when your only conversation is one syllable sounds all day long. I know how it makes friends and relatives more important that ever. I know how proud you feel when they do something new all by themselves. I know there is a long way to go and I am looking forward to it. I wanted this. I wanted it all. The good parts are really good and the bad parts make you remember the good ones even more. Thank you Mom. Thank you for being my Mom. Thank you for messing things up and showing me that it is okay. Because I am going to mess things up sometimes and he will be okay. He won't know the difference.

I have to say my favorite thing about being a mother is the way he looks at me. He stares at me like I am the most perfect person in the world. And for him I probably am. It humbles me. I want to be the best mother to him because he already loves me like I am. I had a friend who would tease me that I would have a "momma's boy". I would protest and think I did not want one of those. Now, he is here and I don't mind so much. He just loves and needs me. It is a confidence boost everyday. Like he can do anything as long as I hold him. The world is wonderful as long and I am behind him. I only hope I gave some of this to my Mother. I can do anything and go anywhere becasue she is there to come back to.

Love, Jocie

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